Whether it’s a difficult person or a bad day, there’s a line in this list to get you through with a smile on the inside.   (but probably no teamwork award)

1. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
3. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
9. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. No, my powers can only be used for good.
13. How about never? Is never good for you?
14. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
15. You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication.
16. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
17. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
18. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
19. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
20. My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!
21. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
22. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
23. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
24. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
25. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Once in awhile the junk e-mail in my inbox is actually interesting, like these little bits of trivia:

1. “Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
2. And “lollipop” is the longest word typed with your right hand.
3. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
4. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “MT”.
5. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
6. The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
7. There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
8. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”
9. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
10. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
11. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
12. A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
13. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
14. A snail can sleep for three years.
15. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
16. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
17. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
18. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
19. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
20. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
21. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors
22. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
23. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
24. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
25. The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
26. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
27. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
28. There are more chickens than people in the world.
29. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
30. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Hey, just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. I hope Santa wrecked his sled at your place and you got everything you wanted! Merry Christmas to you, and Happy Birthday Jesus!!